First Song - First Love
The rant of a very thankful songwriter.
I’ve found a deep exhale in knowing that in the searching of everything we long for, question, and love, we are also searching for a more real and truthful version of us. Every single time.
A couple of months into the pandemic, I started entertaining the idea that, maybe, I could somehow pursue the dream of making music. Up until that point, I had never in my life written a song, didn’t know how to play an instrument, I had only sung loudly in the shower, a couple of YouTube videos, and once on a stage when I was like 15.
I had been too scared to answer the question, ‘Is this something I could do?’, canceling out or ridiculing every sneakily attempt of creating a melody or writing lyrics. I felt like a fool, like it was going to be so bad, all even before I started. But after writing my novel anytime, which has a protagonist exploring her call for music (talk about art you create being a mirror), I started shaking the shake the self-concious bug little by little.
I had scribbled little melodies here and there, a few verses, but hadn’t finished a song, until a June afternoon of the year 2020, when, for a lot of people, for different reasons, everything changed. For me, the journey of connecting truly with myself, in ways I’m still comprehending, processing, and exploring, came through when all around went a little quiet, and I was able to hear that voice… my voice.
and then i saw you out of the blue and it became clear there's nothing to fear ... where are you?
It has taken me back to the thing I love most, storytelling. And the first storytelling form that ever made me feel connected, alive, purposeful… was music. My song ‘where are you?’ is the testament to that.
This song turns 5 today. It was the first complete song I ever wrote. It came by so naturally, so right… It found me, I found her, and it all fell into place 😉.
I’m still so in awe of what the whole journey has brought, and what’s still bringing. After this song, I thought for the first time, “Wait, I really think I can do this. I could write and sing my own songs, and collaborate with incredible people to bring them to life.”
The story about all the things that aligned for me to release this song will forever remind me that magic is real. That all we need to do is be and let it all unfold. I will always be in love with it, always. — That’s a stroy for another time, though.
It is one of my listeners’ faves, and it has been played in all sorts of incredible parts of the world. A bit surreal, for sure. I mean, when I wrote it, I didn’t have a clue on how to record music, let alone the equipment, how to find a producer to work with, and the knowledge of how does a song ends up in the world, it all felt miles apart. But the universe is good, and it leads to all the right places and all the right people. I’m so proud that the María 2020, didn’t give up on it. Forever grateful for it all 🥹❤️.
And now look, a couple of singles and a whole album later here we are, and we are still writing music and looking forward to sharing it all with you, soon-ish 🙃 😏.
I’ve found a deep exhale in knowing that in the searching of everything we long for, question, and love, we are also searching for a more real and truthful version of us. Every single time.
‘where are you?’ started as an ode to true love and soulmates. Looking into connection, alignment, fate, trust, and belief, that eventually, it all leads us to the right soul and heart. Little did I know, that somehow, it would also end up leading me to look for the answer within and about me, too. Wondering about the versions of me I would find, and would find me to make my wildest dreams come true.
the feeling I get from you isn’t easy to come by it’s a warmth reminding ur heart is next to mine its all familiar and it beats in perfect harmony peace and wonder it’s what you bring along to me
I’ve found a deep exhale in knowing that in the searching of everything we long for, question, and love, we are also searching for a more real and truthful version of us. Every single time.
